It began as a tiny fleck of green in the corner of his refrigerator, but last night it ate his neighbor, Saint Bernard. Dynamo Dog, the great super hero of the universe that he is, could not let it continue to eat dogs. “That’s terrible!” He said. “Ol’ Bernard was my friend!” Anyway, it was soon discovered that the Segagens had perfected a new form of the dreaded, toxic Oobleck! Before, it merely suffocated the Nintendonian towns, but now it could grow! If it continued to eat everything, the scary substance would not stop spreading! Dynamo had a plan, but he would have to get help from his friend, Ira the Invisible Iguana. “Fool!” cried the Nintendonian leader. “I keep telling you that Ira Iguana is a figment of your frail imagination!” “Ouch! You broke it!” “What?” “My frail imagination!” Meanwhile, this new Oobleck was terrorizing the town, having a particulary partial preference to puppies. Every dog was doomed! Every pooch pulverized! Every mutt mutilated! Then Dynamo Dog realized, “It must be after me!” Dynamo, being the genius that he was, had figured out the terrible truth, the Segagens had created this substance to totally terminate the dynamic Dynamo Dog! “Oh my Dog!” he yelled calmly, “I’ve fallen right into their trap!” “We’re doomed!” cried Wiley the pilot, “doomed, doomed, DOOMED!” “Why?” asked a Nintendonian. “We’re not dogs.” “Oh, right.” he sheepishly subsided. Dynamo was baffled. How could he stop the Oobleck now? he would be in grave danger! He would have to take his cape to the dry cleaners again! No, this would not do. He tried to think, but something kept interfering with his train of thought. “Damn that stupid Full House theme song!!!” Then, it finally hit him. “Ouch!” he cried. He immediately went to his pal, Perry the Poisonous Poodle. “Perry! We could use your . . . ahem . . . services.” “Absolutely not!” cried Perry. “I’m not sacrificing myself for your sorry butt! I’m sitting right here inside where it’s safe to drink my Lipton Tea.” “Give me that!” said Dynamo grabbing it from him. Dynamo then promptly drank the rest. “Aaaaah, refreshing!” he said. “Now Perry, be reasonable. How can you just sit there while this terrible thing terrorizes the town, knowing full well that you can stop it? “I like to think of it as my self-preservation theory. The way I look at it, my options are these: Go out the door and get eaten; Go out the window and still get eaten; Stay in here, be comfortable, drink tea: not get eaten. What would you choose?” “You’ve got a point, Perry. I guess I’ll just have to find some other way to stop this obnoxious Oobleck.” Dynamo left the home of Perry the Poisionous Poodle and returned promptly with a big bulldozer. “What the hell are you doing, Dynamo?!” cried the protesting Perry Poodle. “Reducing your options.” he replied as he ran over Perry’s house. Dynamo could see the Oobleck approaching rapidly. “Look Perry, I can think of two things you could do.” “What! Tell me quickly!” “Number one: go over there and get eaten. And number two . . . oh wait, there was no two.” “I’m leaving now.” said Perry calmly and he turned and ran screaming away from the odious Oobleck. Dynamo winced as the slimy substance quickly caught up to and consumed the pitiful Perry Poodle. Unfortunately, the grisly grime didn’t seem to be phased by Perry’s poison and continued to cavort through the town. “Hmm. I’ll have to come up with something else then, I guess.” Suddenly the slime seemed to spot him and it slithered slowly in search of supper. Dynamo pulled out another can of Lipton Tea and drank it down quickly, throwing the empty can at the Oobleck in frustration as he ran away. As the can hit the slime it began to sizzle and caused the putrid green pudding to rear back in repulsion. Dynamo stopped, thinking how odd this was until the little man who lived in his nose told him that the Oobleck must be allergic to Lipton Tea. “So all I would have to do is pour a whole bunch of the stuff on our blobby friend over there and POOF!” Dynamo thought about this for a while but decided it was not worth the sacrifice. He just could not allow all that Lipton Tea to go to waste. The Nintendonians were beginning to become quite annoyed with the awful amorphous anomaly quickly consuming canines. They had held a meeting and decided that loyalty could go hang, and that they were going to give the slimy stuff Dynamo Dog and have done. A particularly angry group of Nintendonians marched up to Dynamo in a particular way that filled Dynamo with an overwhelming sense of doom. One Nintendonian, who's name was Zeebok Ramses but he made everyone address him as Therm, attracted the space dog’s attention by clearing his throat. Dynamo glanced quickly at the rope in Therm’s hand, then to the gag held by another Nintendonian, then to the Oobleck, back to the rope, and he understood. “So that’s the way it’s gonna be then, is it? After all my dedicated service, you’re just going to give me up just like that.” Dynamo glanced up at Therm who flashed him an apologetic grin, and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “...I’m really enjoying this, actually.” Dynamo turned to flee but within seconds they were upon him, tying his limbs and attempting to stuff a rather nasty looking sock into his mouth. Dynamo’s mind raced for ideas but he could only come to one conclusion. “Wauu...” he yelled. He had been trying to say ‘wait’ but it was made difficult by the moldy sock in his mouth. Fortunately the Nintendonians understood him and pulled out the sock. “There is. . .another way.” he said breathlessly. “Well what is it?!” a Nintendonian screamed at him. “No, no it’s too. . .too terrible. . .” Dynamo then paused for a bit -- a little too long, because they began to stuff the sock into his mouth again. “Fine! It’s allergic to tea, okay! Lipton Tea if you must know!” “But that doesn’t help us! Where are we going to get enough...” the Nintendonian speaking stopped in mid-question, realizing that he and everyone else already knew the answer. They then untied Dynamo, which was quickly revealed as a mistake as the space dog went fleeing back to his house to protect his precious drinks. Meanwhile, the Oobleck had finally consumed every dog in the district without downing Dynamo and on some level, it realized where the space dog must be. Oozing toward Dynamo’s Nintendonian Summer Home, the odious Oobleck’s hunger grew until it was entirely consumed by it’s longing to digest that delectable dog. Eventually it approached Dynamo’s home, at the same time the Nintendonian Armed Forces arrived. Dynamo peered out his window. “So they’re all against me now, are they!? Well I’ve still got you, I guess.” he said to the mountain consisting of several thousand cans of Lipton Tea behind him. “The entire population of this planet and a gigantic alien blob against me. I just hope their up to it. Right old pal?” the Lipton Tea said nothing. Outside, the Nintendonians and the Oobleck were just about to attack Dynamo’s home when a flash of orange light blazed behind them and out of it came - - a gigantic 30 foot high Lizard of Largeness! It’s fiery tongue blazing and it’s purple eyes glowing, the lizard slashed into the cowering conglomeration of slime, sending it splattering over a sizeable setting where it shriveled and soaked into the soil. Dynamo stared smugly outside for he knew the identity of the looming length of large lizard. It was none other than... “Ira the Invisible Iguana!” Dynamo shouted happily. It appeared that Ira was now no longer invisible, or imaginary, just improbable. The ravenous reptile then turned and swept it’s fiery tongue over the Nintendonian city and set it ablaze. Several fleeing Nintendonians were disintegrated by the fiery wrath it exhorted. Then, with the Oobleck destoryed and the city in ruins, Ira the Improbable Iguana turned toward Dynamo Dog’s humble home, gave him a wink with it’s purple eye, saluted, and disappeared again into a flash of orange light. Dynamo smiled and returned the salute. “Well,” he said, turning to his tea, “I guess it really does help to have imaginary friends in nigh places.” Dynamo snickered at his own small joke, and again the Lipton Tea said nothing.
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