Dynamo Dog is Delirious
Once there was a futuristic super dog called Dynamo. His quest was to fly around the
universe looking for problems to solve. When we last saw Dynamo, he had (sort of) saved
the Nintendonians from the dastardly toxic Oobleck and the Segagins who left it there. The
mission was later called the PB&J (or Peanut Butter and Jelly) Fiasco. The Nintendonians
are eternally grateful to Dynamo Dog for saving their lives. (It was really quite a fortunate
accident, but Dynamo thought he was a hero and so did everyone else, so it was really no
big deal).
Anyway, when we last left Dynamo, he was flying away from Nintendonia, bashing
into asteroids the whole way. Suddenly, Dynamo spots something out of the corner of his
eye. It is the Evil Ernie Eagle! He is terrorizing the inhabitants of Atariland. His fiends, the
Spunky Sparky Sparrows dove into Atariland and blew up, destroying many of the 8 bit
structures. Dynamo could not let this go on! He had to stop his nemesis from taking over
the planet.
"Stop evil doers!" he yelled. "You will never do any wrong again!"
Ernie Eagle was very, very mad! "Squawk, Squawk!" he said. He dove at Dynamo
Dog and stabbed him with his beak and killed him! "There!" said the Evil Ernie Eagle. I have
destroyed my absolute pet peeve nemesis, Dynamo Dog!"
"Ooh!" said Spunky Sparky Sparrow, "You said it once!"
"Said what once?"
"Dynamo Dog. Oops! That's twice!"
"What will happen if I say Dynamo Dog three times you stupid bird brain?! I really,
really dislike you. You must die."
"Look out Ernie Eagle!" said Spunky Sparky Sparrow as his existence hastily halted.
"Oh no!" said the Evil Ernie Eagle. "Now I remember what happens if I say Dynamo
Dog three times after he dies! He must. . ."
". . .come back to life! Yes! That is right my evil pet peeve nemesis, Ernie Eagle! It is
I, Dynamo Dog!" And it was! Dynamo had come back to life and now the Nintendonians
were coming to help their Atarian neighbors. Dynamo got into his high powered, nuclear
reactor filled, technologically advanced. . .Soapbox racer with wings! It however, seemed to
have a mind of its own and flew around blowing up all sorts of different, stupid things. It
blew up several asteroids, a Segagen ice cream stand, and even a pencil! The pieces of
asteroid severely damaged the Nintendonian ship and destroyed several Spunky Sparky
Sparrows!
"Oh my *@!#$@# Dog!" yelled Dynamo Dog calmly. I must get control of the PB&J!!
"The what?" yelled Wiley, the captain of the Yoshcraft, the Nintendonian ship.
"My soapbox racer with wings is called the PB&J. That means peanut butter and jelly.
I named it that after the. . ."
"Yes, yes I know. After the Peanut Butter and Jelly Fiasco, the one where we. . ."
"Yes, yes I know. The one where we defeated the Segagens with our sandwiches,
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches no less, and shipped out the Oobleck in the Yoshcraft.
But anyway, we should really. . ."
"Yes, yes I know. We should really quit talking so we can get back to the story and
fight off the Evil Ernie Eagle and his slew of Spunky Sparky Sparrows." Suddenly, several
Spunky Sparky Sparrows slapped silly several stupid citizens of Atariland.
"We had better go and destroy all those stupid Spunky Sparky Sparrows before they
bash the butts off those beer bellied bums from Atariland."
"Yes, of course." remarked Wiley the wily pilot.
All of a sudden, the Evil Ernie Eagle swooped swiftly by Dynamo Dog. Dynamo Dog
dived out of the way and hopped hastily into his PB&J. Then, without warning, Wiley washed
Wednesday's wine right down the drain!
"Hey!" yelled Dynamo Dog. "That could have come in handy!"
"I'm appalled at this abundance of annoying alliteration!" the pilot pleasantly put.
"Did you know that I have never, ever, ever in my long legged life seen a long legged
sailor and his long legged wife?" said Dynamo.
"That is amazing!" cried the Nintendonian leader. "I too have never, ever, ever in my
long legged life seen a long legged sailor and his long legged wife!"
"Aha! Then we have something in common after all!"
Meanwhile, a new threat was approaching. It was the Elusive Eddie Electric Eel! And
now the Spunky Sparky Sparrows and the Slimy Shocky Slithers adjoined in an electric
explosion! This was not good for Atariland or our hero the dynamic Dynamo Dog! Now the
Evil Ernie Eagle and the Elusive Eddie Eel adjoined to eliminate everyone! (Vast Vocabulary
required to alliterate abundantly). Then Dynamo had an absolutely antagonizing idea.
"This plan is powerful as well as punctual! It could be catastrophically crazy and
logically lost, but it has cool charisma! Everyone listen! I have to unveil my plan to eliminate
the Evil Ernie Eagle and the Elusive Eddie Eel! My plan is. . .oh no."
"Oh no what?!" yelled the Atarians.
"I forgot what my plan was but I know it had something to do with cottage cheese."
"NO!" they all cried. "Cottage cheese is the eighth Wonder of the World!"
"Oh yeah." said Dynamo. He sheepishly subsided.
Dynamo pondered. What was his plan, and what did it have to do with cottage
cheese? And how would he defeat his demented enemies? And most importantly of all,
why did he have the theme song from Full House stuck in his head? Why. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . ??????
TO BE CONTINUED
Return to Dynamo Stories